Thunder sounded and lightning struck. It was a cold night and the wind howled. A woman was screaming in agony, the art of giving birth was being performed. My birth to be exact. After hours of pain and pushing, I was born. The doctor and midwives did what they could but after all of their hard work, my mother did not survive. I was pronounced to be a healthy baby with no defects, but that was a misdiagnosis. Physically I was fine, but emotionally, I was in ruins. I was born without the ability to feel emotion.
After years of hardship trying to fix my emotional problem of not feeling, I met with a gypsy, I paid a pretty penny but after she had performed her voodoo and saying a few words, she gave me a box. I was told that the box could give me the emotions that someone would write down and put into it. The paper and box would take their emotions and give it to me. If they put in depression, I would take their depression and they would be happy. I was excited at first. Because who would push their horrible emotions onto another? People were better than that. Or so I thought.
Years passed and I held out my box day in and day out. But all people would write down and put into the box were their depression, anger, sadness, all the emotions that they did not want. I thought about stopping and hiding my box away, but after a while I had convinced myself I was doing a service. Helping others feel happy. I carried the weight of all their pain. This burden I decided to bare was not easy. I spent most of my days, months, years, depressed, alone, heartbroken. I couldn’t believe that people would so easily give their pain to someone else.
I remember, in the beginning of this journey, a kind person, they gave me a piece of their happiness. They must have had enough to share. Because it was a small amount, but it was enough. I can remember how it felt. I long for that again. But that was years ago. I guess it is hope that keeps me going. That maybe one day I can feel that feeling again. Because taking everyone’s pain can be too much to handle sometimes. And sometimes I want to take this box and throw it out into the ocean and feel nothing again. Such bliss. But again, I feel like taking everyone’s pain, that is my duty. For some reason I feel I was born for this. Why else would I be born without the ability to feel emotion? Or to have my body create its own emotions?
Years passed, and I held out my box, taking on the world’s pain. Day in and day out. Why can’t people share their happiness? They flaunt it so that everyone can see it, but rarely wish to share it. What a sad world we live in. And I would know, I take the pain from others that they do not want. Frustrating as it is, I continue my duty. A sick and cruel fate. Maybe I never should have went to that gypsy. Maybe I would have been okay if I never felt. Besides, aren’t emotions what holds people back? I should have never done this.
But today, everything changed. I was there with my box, and this person, I had seen them before. They had passed by several times. No matter where I was with my box, they passed by. But today I sat in a park on a bench and held my box out. Offering my services of taking away the world’s pain. They sat down beside me. No one had ever done that. It was strange. They looked at me. They smiled. I felt nothing but I had learned to smile back as a reflex. They spoke.
They explained that when they were born, they were gifted with a strange ability. They were able to give away emotion. They were born with so much, they had plenty to spare. So, they had gone to a gypsy to figure out what to do with this gift. She had done some voodoo and gave them a pen. Whatever they wrote out such as happiness or love, when they gave it away, that person would acquire that emotion.
So they had set out to make the world a better place. But they quickly learned that the world is greedy. But they continued their work because maybe to someone it was worth it. They explained that eventually they found me. At first, they were confused. How could anyone not feel. So they watched me. Eventually realizing that I in fact could not feel and my box was for others to give their emotions. They decided today, they would meet me. They took out their pen and asked me, what would I like to feel. To which I responded, happiness. So, they wrote something with their pen and put it in my box.
Emotion overcame me. I had never felt this way before. What could they have written on that piece of paper? I reached in and pulled it out. The words, “You are a special human that deserves to feel everything good the world has to offer,”. My eyes widened, I looked at them, they were unaffected. They still smiled at me. So many new emotions and sensations overcame me. They told me to put the box away, to walk with them, the journey has only begun. I felt something new, I had seen it on people’s faces before. It was love. I felt love for another and I felt their love. I put my box away, took their hand and walked with them. Everything I knew about life was changing.
I can’t help but feel that when the two of us were born, something went wrong. We were one but divided by birth. Destined to find one another. Our duty in life was not to help the world, but to find each other and complete what was torn apart. We were two souls lost in the sea of life trying to find each other. And fate finally brought us together. It was never about saving the world. It was about saving each other. I no longer need my box, and they no longer need their pen. We are complete. We are whole. We found each other. That is all we need. Each other.